I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
