I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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