i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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