Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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