moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
