so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
