i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
