I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize