I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
