Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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