You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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