i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
