I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I intend to get homeless drunk
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
