Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
