Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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