Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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