Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Randomize
