Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
