It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
