You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
