i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
