I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
