the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
