he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
