did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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