This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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