We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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