hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
