Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
