At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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