I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.