Texts From Last Night

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.

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  (479): Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits. http://tfl.nu/uo57
  Replies (13) Good night (725) Bad night (3173)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger

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  (819): its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger http://tfl.nu/0bs6
  Replies (10) Good night (3941) Bad night (944)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

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  (917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country. http://tfl.nu/tafy
  Replies (262) Good night (20826) Bad night (2306)
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  (530): View more from California

  Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.

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  (530): Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering. http://tfl.nu/vhlw
  Replies (7) Good night (4055) Bad night (1042)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend

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  (517): i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend http://tfl.nu/by4o
  Replies (7) Good night (6157) Bad night (1877)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?

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  (540): casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks? http://tfl.nu/0uf1
  Replies (16) Good night (2521) Bad night (1483)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.

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  (734): They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you. http://tfl.nu/tuzf
  Replies (5) Good night (2454) Bad night (938)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat

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  (757): You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat http://tfl.nu/abhh
  Replies (3) Good night (1089) Bad night (1681)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.

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  (770): All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all. http://tfl.nu/00r4
  Replies (13) Good night (3192) Bad night (815)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.

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  (908): I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon. http://tfl.nu/vwke
  Replies (13) Good night (1912) Bad night (623)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.

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  (443): I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon. http://tfl.nu/atl9
  Replies (10) Good night (2116) Bad night (611)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it

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  (303): His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it http://tfl.nu/k4oj
  Replies (6) Good night (1644) Bad night (545)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...

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  (330): I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay... http://tfl.nu/3ns8
  Replies (9) Good night (478) Bad night (1101)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.

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  (772): I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty. http://tfl.nu/zh78
  Replies (3) Good night (971) Bad night (423)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.

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  (614): Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro. http://tfl.nu/qoaz
  Replies (2) Good night (798) Bad night (337)

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