shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.