He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.