We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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