Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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