I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
