p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found puke in my bra..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
