and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
