just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
only you would photoshop your dick
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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