If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
