I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
