Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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