if you like me you must not know who I am
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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