i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
