please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
