Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
