my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
