Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
