Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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