We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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