Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
