Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
