Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
