Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i came on her dog
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
