i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
they need to just BURY HIM!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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