It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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