I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
