I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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