dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
