woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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