so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
