I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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